And This is How They all Became the Brady Bunch

A lot has happened since the last time I rambled posted on my blog, the most notable being that I started a relationship with an amazing guy who has the equivalent of half a basketball team worth of kiddos.

For those of you not well versed in sports, a basketball team has 12 players. Half of that is 6. Six. He has six kids.

In addition to my two.

Now, his oldest is in college, and his second oldest lives with his mother, so that leaves us with his remaining four and my two.

This is beginning to sound like one of those awful word math problems where Susan buys 50 watermelons and 85 bundles of grapes, which wouldn't be far off from what you might see on one of our grocery receipts.

Six kids, aged 12 through 16. Teenagers. We have SIX teenagers in our household.

I'd like to say we had to let Alice go, but she ran screaming before we could explain that we just couldn't afford her any longer.

You would think the biggest expense would be food (it totally is), but I never expected to spend so much on deodorant, mousse, and toilet paper.  Oh my goodness, so much toilet paper.

Dear Charmin, if you're reading this, send help.

My house smells like gym socks, 6 different brands of heavily-applied perfumes and colognes, and pizza pockets. There's not enough Glade in the world to mask that, guys.

Thank goodness they're all good kids, because I really don't think my sanity would allow me to run a juvenile detention center. As long as the fridge and pantry are full and the Wi-Fi is up, it's all good.  And speaking of Wi-Fi, who knew having control of the password would magically make chores done and grades stay respectable?  

Anywho, we were trying to move from Oklahoma to Colorado over the last few months, but were waiting on the courts to make a decision since I have kids from a previous marriage, and that apparently means that my autonomy legally depends on my ex's whims until my youngest daughter's 18th birthday. Long story short, he opposed the move, drug out the proceedings, threatened to take custody of just my youngest daughter, and then managed to get the move blocked. 

Because this is so much better than Colorado.

So, this is where we're at for the time being.  I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, but poverty in lieu of opportunity seems a bit like overkill. Still, it could be worse. I could be without a healthy sense of humor, but here we are.  I could be dying of some yucky, incurable disease, yet I'm mostly only susceptible to random bouts of the sniffles.  Our kids could all be toddlers, potty training and leaving everything in their wake destroyed and unidentifiably sticky. 

I could still be married to my ex.

*Shudder*

Have an intolerable ex that you wish you could pretend didn't exist? Have so many kids that you're considering starting your own sports team? I can't help you! But, we can avoid reality together on my Facebook page.