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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Dear Internet

WARNING:  Since I’m addressing some of the random, crazy things I’ve encountered in everyday *normal* use of the internet, there is some adult content in this post.  Don’t get too excited, there aren’t any naughty pictures.

Also, I’m totally aware that the internet is not a person, but since I don’t know anything about it other than how to blog, operate Facebook, and create obnoxious memes, I’m just going to address this to “internet.”

     Every word in the English language does not directly translate to “vagina.”

No matter which you use as your default search engine, it never fails that no matter how innocent-sounding the search term you enter, you always wind up with dirty pictures thrown in for good measure.  And by “you” I mean “me.”

Oddly, this is what happens when you openly search “midget porn.”

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Throwback Thursday - Glamour Shots

I'm dating myself here, but if you grew up in the 90's, you'll remember the whirlwind fad that was Glamour Shots.

For those of you who are too young to remember, or who were there for this catastrophe and have developed selective memory loss to avoid thinking about it, Glamour Shots was basically you (or your mom, in most cases) paying a creepy looking guy in the mall to cake clown makeup on your face, dress you in tube tops and boas, tease and Aqua Net your hair to oblivion, and take pictures in incredibly uncomfortable positions under really bad lighting.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

3 Things That are Destroying America

I'm going to apologize right off the bat, because this is a really long post -  but I figure that since I went without posting for so long, it evens out.

I have issue with all the hollering about morality being lost in America, what with the "Gays throwing their agenda in everyone's faces" and those pesky garden gnomes taking over world travel and all. 

I'm offering you good deals, but really I'm bartering for your soul.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Technical Difficulties... Again

I spent all morning writing a wicked-awesome post to make up for all the non-posting I've been doing lately... and Blogger hates me.

I'm unable to upload pictures and the page breaks aren't inserting properly, so I'm delaying posting until these issues get worked out so that you, dear readers, can experience the full, long-winded majesty that is my next post.  I know, it's soooo disappointing, but stay tuned!  More to come soon!


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Writer's Block. No, Really.

I’m not even going to double check the date of my last post for reference, because I already know it’s been a long time.

My world is a fickle one, where there are days I have endless motivation and inspiration, and others where I do nothing but stare blankly at a blinking cursor for hours until my eyes cross and I sigh heavily, surrendering to another day void of creativity.

I actually had several posts started, but as many of you know sometimes life steps in and ninja-daggers your brain with reality, and it sits there, festering as you try to find humor but instead long to be deep and thoughtful.  This results in lame puns and half-hearted jokes that most people would be embarrassed to post and nobody really wants to read.  I have frackjillions of thoughts scribbled down and scattered throughout my house, yet none of them seemed to want to come alive into anything substantial. 

Screw you, spellcheck, I know frackjillion isn’t a word.

So I thought, maybe if I just started typing, something would come out. 


Another day goes to you, brain ninja.
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