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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Angel vs. Devil: (De)Evolution

**Mature Content (No, not porn, you naughty reader you)**

It's been a long time since I've written an Angel vs. Devil post, mainly because over the years Angel and Devil have kind of morphed into this singular schizophrenic, spacy little being that only shows up when I'm seriously debating something.  When they are separate(ish), I like to picture them as Jay and Silent Bob.

You can see where this could cause some major problems.

Let me break this down a little but further.  Jay is the outspoken, fun-loving dude that never stops to consider consequences.  Silent Bob is the more responsible of the two (sometimes), but he's, well - silent.  So when I encounter something that I need to debate inside my head, instead of logical points on either side, what happens is something more along the lines of this:

Guys... guys... HEY... I have a dilemma here - oh, f*ck it.
 
It's not that I don't have a moral compass on my own (no thanks to Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb up there) or that I'm incapable of coming up with my own arguments or pros and cons or what have you.  My conscience is totally intact and my reasoning skills are as sharp as ever, but the funny thing about life and kids and interaction with people is that after a while, it changes you.
 
 Let that sink in for a minute.  I mean really, really think about it.  Do you have kids?  Do you deal with people on a daily basis and find your mind wandering to its own little happy place where there are no complaints or silly comments or requirements for diplomacy?
 
I guess my point is that, as we get older, our tolerance for bullshit lessens and our filter dwindles until there's nothing left but this automatic response system that says things we would have been too shy to say in earlier years.  Auto-pilot is a dangerous thing, especially when dealing with children or when your livelihood depends on sucking up to that obnoxious guy who comes in daily asking the same. f*cking. questions. every. single. day. 

 
Your brain makes up its own words for people like this (the obnoxious guy, not kids - that would just be awful), because it's so freaking bored with dealing with them that it has to do something to keep from shriveling into a stinking mass of gray matter.  Douchetard.  Asshat.  F*cknozzle. Jizzbrain. Fartface. They're more like Middle School taunts than the thoughts of an intelligent adult, but they're nothing more than a defense mechanism for your brain, which senses the cells running screaming from it and imploding by the second.  So while your face is smiling (kind of), your brain is hurling nonsensical insults at the object of your annoyance.

"No sir, I don't mind looking in my system for the third time today for that thing I've already told you we don't have..." ...you jiggly skinsack of vermon mucus rottenballs.
 
Put in that context, my Jay and Silent Bob analogy really doesn't seem so weird, now does it?
 
 

This is your brain.
 
This is your brain on unwanted social interaction.
 
 
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