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Thursday, September 04, 2008

Conspiracy Theory #331- "Poetic Liberties"

In the world of fiction, generally a writer will create alter egos for themselves and do little more than change the names of their friends in their stories, and all are based (though sometimes very loosely) on actual events.

That disclaimer you see in front of movies and television shows that says all characters and situations are complete works of fiction and any similarities to real life people or events are merely coincidental - IT'S A LIE.

Don't believe me? Allow me to provide you with examples.

***All content herein is merely a reflection of insanity deep within the mind of the writer. Any statement that proves to be fact in the future cannot be held against said writer. But I will say I told you so.***

1. I agree with Dave Chapelle's theory about the Count on Sesame Street. Clearly someone had an uncle who was a pimp in the 70's - who else would wear a garish purple suit and rejoice over counting so much? The cape confuses me a little, unless said person's pimp uncle was also a cokehead and thought he could fly...

2. Mr. Clean. I'll just say someone had a crush on Ving Rhames.

3. The Wayans brothers in Hot Chicks. Hmmm, Dennis Rodman, anyone? Ok, minus the basketball. And the fact that the Wayans brothers are undercover agents in the movie and Dennis Rodman could never pull off anything undercover, considering he couldn't even pull off being in the closet.


Which brings me to another random thought - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - and Dennis Rodman is from Uranus.

Yea, moving on.

4. Ozzy Osbourne in Little Nicky. Er, Ozzy Osbourne. Ok I just had to mention Ozzy because he's awesome. Even when Sharon tries to desecrate his concerts with bubbles. "I'm the phucking Prince of Dahkness Sharon, and you want me to put BUBBLES in my CONCERT???"

Ahaha, good stuff.

5. Karen in Mean Girls. Sure, she was pretty, but dumb as a rock and so proud of herself for her ability to put her whole fist in her mouth. Shave her head and put an umbrella in her hand and she's Britney Spears. Next.

6. The Pillsbury Dough Boy. Marlon Brando? "I'll give you an offer you can't refuse.... You gonna eat that?"

7. Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm not sure who this character was modeled after (it's definitely a far cry from Gene Wilder's lovable character in the original), but it's just beyond creepy. He's like the 2nd cousin at family reunions that everyone avoids and hides their children from.

Johnny Depp dropped about 100 points on the hotness meter for women around the globe thanks to this character. Good job, Tim Burton.

That's all for now, but you can bet this one will be popping up again.

Until next time....

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