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Friday, February 22, 2008

Conspiracy Theory #'s 42 & 43 - the Junior WWE and YAHOO! Messenger

In the land of Parenthood, you would think it would be safer to have girls than to have boys.

...but you'd be wrong.

Aside from the endless excuses and weepy kissy faces, nap time in my house also marks the beginning of our own little sports show, the Junior WWE. If this sounds a bit far-fetched to you, let me illustrate what I hear every day, much like an episode of the old Batman tv show:

*WHAM!*
*giggle*
*BOOF!*
*giggle*
*SMACK!*
*giggle*
"GET ON YOUR BEDS!"
"Yes, Momma (or Daddy)."
*shuffle shuffle shuffle*
*giggle*
*WHAM!*

We've removed all folding chairs and toys, and pretty much everything but the beds from their rooms. We've padded the floor, and short of dressing them in helmets and body armor before bed, there's not a whole lot more we can do on this one.

Maybe we should just give up and sell tickets.

As for the YAHOO! Messenger thing, I just want to say that it's great for people like me who loathe telephones, but I still hate it. Why? It's retarded. It also removes any chance of really knowing if that smart ass remark your friend has just made was a joke, or if they're really trying to piss you off so you log out and leave them alone.

Also take into account that I am the Queen of Sarcasm and making stupid remarks without thinking, and there's a huge potential for arguments or the silent treatment (which I have to admit, in some cases, isn't really so bad). Example:

Friend: hey, u there?
Me: No, I implemented a new program on my messenger that auto responds to messages.
Friend: lol
Me: lol
Friend: so what's up?
Me: not much, you?
Friend: OOH I just got a new cover for my XBox 360
Me: woot
Friend: yea, *bunch of tech nerd stuff* it's great :)
Me: nice. OOH I got new socks.
Friend: um...woot?
Me: yea, they've got stitches and cotton and that new sock smell, it's great :)
Friend: lol?
Me: lol.
Friend: I need to buy new socks, one of each pair keeps disappearing.
Me: lol I just got a mental image of a cranked out cousin of the Cookie Monster. "ME WANT SOCKIE! NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM!"
Friend: WTF?
Me: what wtf?
Friend: you went off on this weird thing about a sock monster
Me: what? no I didn't.
Friend: Yea you did, scroll up
Me: wth are you talking about?
Friend: SCROLL UP.
Me: you've smoked yourself retarded.
Friend: (copy/paste) Sandra: lol I just got the mental image of a cranked out cousin of the Cookie Monster. "ME WANT SOCKIE! NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM!"
Me: lol, wtf
Friend: wtf?
Me: yea, you just went on this wierd thing about a sock monster.
Friend: no I didn't.
Me: yea you did, scroll up.
Friend: that was u
Me: the prime rib minister spoke at the Vatican today, and my tiny little nipples went to France
Friend: WTF???
Me: ?
Friend: WTF HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING?
Me: wtf is wrong with you? you've been going on and on about nonsense this whole time
Friend: you're crazy
Me: No I'm not. But I was Crazy once
Me: locked me in this little tiny room
Me: it had rats, I hate rats
Me: rats are crazy
Me: I was crazy once
Me: locked me in this little tiny room....
Friend has just logged out.

Works every time.
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