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Friday, November 09, 2007

Conspiracy Theory #122 - The Link Between Parenting & Tourette's Syndrome

We all know that Tourette's is an inherited neurological disorder that can cause tics, even to the point of blurting otherwise inappropriate and vulgar language.

What I bet you didn't know though, is that, just like insanity, you inherit it not from your parents - but from your children. And let me tell you, if it's not Tourette's, we're in trouble - because if it's NOT Tourette's then all our children have the telekinetic ability to locate and tweak the crap out of any and all "angry" buttons.

Before you say anything, yes, I am well aware that Bill Cosby has already covered this topic (brilliantly, I might add) in a stand-up routine circa mid-eighties - but the bursts of profanity and incoherent babble that Mr. Cosby mentioned aren't all that's involved with parental Tourette's.

There are tics. Endless amounts of tics. For those of you out there who don't have children, let me explain. My youngest daughter can reach a pitch with her voice that sends my foot into a furious tap that takes at least five minutes to slow down well enough to stop it. My oldest daughter has this run-on inquiry thing she does that causes my eyes to roll back into my head and a low, guttural noise to creep eerily from my throat. (picture Stewie on Family Guy - "Mom. Mum. Lois. Mom. Mommy. Mum...."; that's my daughter, minus the 'Lois' part.)

And yes, there are plenty of fragmented sentences (and words), blurted curse-words (much as I hate to admit it), and that weird "EH!" noise all parents make when their children are reaching for something they're not supposed to. If you don't understand that part, my apologies...I'm usually pretty good at onomatopoeia's (words that are spelled the way they sound, like *whack* - strange that a word meant to make communication simpler should be so difficult to spell), but that one is a little difficult.

There's also a few strange noises that erupt for no aparent reason, except to get my childrens' attention.

At any rate, I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I'm certifiably insane and, being a parent, I'm not really sure they'd be wrong if they did.
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