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Thursday, September 28, 2006

Conspiracy Theory # 87 - Scientists Discover That Almost ANYTHING can be called a "Meat Patty"

You know that commercial for Kosher meats with the slogan "No Ifs, ands, or Butts?"

Now, I've had this little theory rumbling around in my brain for years - but now, my suspicions are more than justified.

I knew that things like balogna and hot dogs were made of the "leftovers" (most of them, anyway), and I let that slide, simply avoiding those "foods" at all costs. But what exactly is a "meat product?" Every living mammal is made of fat and muscle - meat - so is anything we produce a "meat product?" Is spit a meat product? Tears? Poo???


I'm not Jewish, but I must say these people were WAY ahead of their time with this Kosher thing. Seriously. How did they know that someday in the future any part of a mammal would be used and mass-distributed to the public as "food?" Note the quotation marks. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for not wasting things, but come on...

There's also a rumor that KFC is now going by "KFC" instead of "Kentucky Fried Chicken" because their "chicken" isn't really chicken. Hmm, that brings to mind all the jokes about things from alligator meat to snails that "taste like chicken." Not so funny now : \ I'm not saying it's true (please don't sue me, Colonel Sanders) but it makes you wonder....

I was informed the other day too, that "carne asade" (sp?) is actually the meat shaved off the face of an animal. !?!?!?!

There goes my love for Taco Bell. "Yes, I'd like a cow-face taco, add cheese, extra cow face, an eyeball - oh, and put some butt on there while you're at it."

Ever heard the term, "You are what you eat"? No wonder there's so many assholes roaming the streets.

I'm off to eat my salad now. Lettuce, tomato, carrots and cabbage only. Dry.

Until next time....
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