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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Splitting Hairs, Literally - How American Schools Have Gone Insane

After reading yet another story of how a kid's big, bad hairdo threatened to undermine the sacred institution of education by - uh - being hair, I have to question why, exactly, school systems are more concerned with an interesting hairstyle than, you know, education

Taking into account that schools have been facing all sorts of pint-sized menaces this past few years, what with Kindergarteners interrupting class with their emotional outbursts,  7-year-old boys pretending to be Marines and playing with other boys, and 6-year-olds expressing adoration for a classmate by kissing her hand.  Because we all know that small children don't cry, play games, or steal kisses in the playground.  Heathens.

The little ones are okay, but that tall one on the end is a little suspicious.

In each of the above scenarios, the children were suspended.  Yes, you read that right - suspended.   Apparently, school boards all met at the Center for the Mentally Deranged and decided to implement "zero-tolerance policies," which means that children as young as 6 years old can be slapped with "sexual harassment" for kissing a classmate's hand or telling their teacher she's pretty, because obviously a small child who offers a sweet compliment to someone they see everyday and care a lot about must be up to some kind of deep, dark mischief that must be squashed immediately. 

A small child who pretends a pencil or their fingers is a gun must be a menace, because none of us did that as children and didn't grow up to take out entire buildings of people in a random firestorm of violence, right?

Let's also address this whole hair issue.  Why is this even an issue?  Since when is hair even on the list of things that a school staff member needs to worry about in order to do their job as a school staff member (ie:  NOT fashion critic).

Unless this lady's in your class...  in which case, I don't think hair is the worst of your concerns.

Apparently "zero tolerance" also removes adult accountability and the need for teachers and school staff to use COMMON SENSE and adjust consequences according to whatever offense they think has been committed, because when they're confronted about these lame-brained suspensions and charges filed on children too young to even know how to spell them (or what they are, for that matter), all they can say is, "Zero tolerance!"  It's like a mantra for the brain-dead drones, "zero-tolerance!"  I don't have an answer!  Zero tolerance!  I know I look like and idiot, but if I shout that long enough, maybe you'll back me!  Zero Tolerance!

That arrow kinda looks like a weapon, if you squint your eyes and tilt your head and pretend it's a weapon.  You're suspended.  I don't care if you don't even go to this school, you're suspended!  Zero tolerance!
 
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