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Saturday, March 28, 2009

Freedom of Speech

I'm a firm believer in the freedom of speech - as long as a person actually has something to say.

Who has the right to determine whether something someone says is really valid or not? Well, one could say that every opinion is valid and that everyone has a right to agree or disagree with said opinion.

Someone else could say that some people are just idiotic and should therefore be struck mute by God Himself, just so that they can't taint the world with their drivel and no one can be accused of violating their 1st Amendment rights by telling them to shut the [profane] up.

Alas, God has not yet heard my pleas on this one... That, or He thinks I'm an idiot and has been debating on whether or not to render ME mute and unable to use my fingers to operate a keyboard.


Anyway, I had to stop and think about the most commonly heard things that should not, under any circumstances, fall under 1st Amendment rights. For instance, those redundant and potentially disgusting things that people blurt out for no reason at all, except maybe just to get attention:

  • "My underwear are stuck up my butt" or any variation of such. No one cares about the state of your underwear unless they're trying to get in them - which I assure you is NOT as many as you may think - and will probably dwindle a whole lot further after THAT statement. The correct thing to do here is to politely excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, and adjust said underwear.
  • "I'm drunk." Again, unless they're trying to get in your pants, no one cares. Besides, it's probably pretty obvious to everyone in the place once you've displaced half your clothes and done the rump shaker on a table to a poorly sung karaoke version of "Cherry Pie."
  • Anything that has to do with your need to use the facilities. This one explains itself.

Then there are the things that come out in the middle of a conversation that make absolutely no sens and make the people you're talking to, as well as everyone within hearing range, wonder if you even realize you're still talking:

  • You can't put a porcupine in a barn and burn it and expect to get lime JELL-O. Wait. That was me... Next.
  • If it hadn't been for my horse, I never would have graduated college. I heard this one from a comedian (George Carlin I think, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong), ironically, while I was flipping through cable stations. I didn't catch the rest of his joke until later, when he said that it's statements like this that plant themselves deep into your brain and make people have aneurysms later in life. Makes sense to me.

And yes, I know - I've written a few of these "Things that will kill our conversation" posts before - but damn it, how many times do I and people like me have to rant and rave about stupidity before someone wakes up and realizes that we just might be talking about them? I know they can read, they all manage to get through those scrolling Star Wars intros... (KIDDING! Don't sue me, George Lucas or hordes of obsessed fans!)


I'm going to pay for this one, I just know it.

Maybe my next post should be about knowing when to shut up...

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