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Tuesday, September 02, 2008

ConspiracyTheory #769 - Ninja Readers

Ok, I've been paying close attention to my page views the last few weeks - and my page views are jumping, but I'm getting no comments.

Not even anonymous. Not even hate filled, misspelled pre-menstrual rants.

I began to wonder why no one was compelled to respond to my mindless posts anymore.

I know what you're thinking, "Oh God, not another list - PLEASE."

Yoink.

I've thought long and hard about this folks, and since I spend so much time mulling over it, I felt obligated to share with all of you.

Once again, if you hated it that much, you wouldn't still be here, now would you?

Theories as to why no one comments on my posts anymore:

Nobody loves me. I'm not Emo, and I'm just too darn likable. Scratch that one.

Everyone in the world has lost Internet access. Well, I live in BFE and I still have mine, plus online porn is still going strong, so that can't be it. No, I will not add a porn section to this blog. Perverts. You know who you are.

All my readers have found better things to do with their time. Ha ha, that's funny. Next.

I use too many big words and there are no illustrations to help along. Okay, except in reference to a couple of people, I'm just kidding on that one. Besides, do you REALLY want to see pictures pertaining to stupid people, Greenpeace advocates, and doggy potty training? Didn't think so. The bubble wrap could be fun, though - I'll have to work on that one.

My posts make no sense and my readers are too dumbfounded by the end of them to have anything to say. I'm not going to lie people, this is probably the most plausible of all of them.

My final theory, far-fetched as it may be:

I don't have a mascot. Seriously, if this is the reason, you the readers and I the writer will have some serious issues. Don't make me bring in Zed.

You see what you've done here? You've made me resort to blackmail. Leave comments or I will bring in the muse.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Lol, I can't WAIT to see the Google ads that pop up for this one....
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