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Saturday, January 05, 2008

What if Aliens were Monitoring our Media?

First of all, I want to make it clear that I didn't sleep well last night, so if this post is a's not my fault. If I offend or make anyone question my sanity, I assure you it's the insomnia talking.

I don't know if I believe in aliens. There's been no proof that there are, but there's also been no proof that there aren't either - so I'm keeping an open mind on the subject. What frightens me is that if there are in fact beings from another world, they may be curious about us, and may have decided to research us... The problem, however, is that it makes sense that they would most likely be intercepting radio waves (or whatever they use these days) from our media...

It's bad enough that we have "Bob," the creepily happy guy that represents Enzyte and *ahem* male enhancement. We have brightly colored bears that cuddle toilet paper, drunks that believe they're pirates, and tv shows where idiots give their permission for their arrests, accidents, and random stupidity to be broadcasted to the public.

What scares me most however, the most heinous of heinous, is the trainwreck we all know as - Britney Spears. Aha, you saw that coming, didn't you?

I don't have anything personal against Britney, I really don't - in fact, where I once loathed the very thought of her existence, I really just feel sorry for her now. The thing is, if we needed a representative for Earth, is she really what we want the universe to think we are? For that matter, even if they expand their research to the rest of our media coverage, what have we got? Paris, Lindsay, Nichole... so now our planetary neighbors think we're a bunch of rich, horny, cosmetically and herbally enhanced alcoholic party girls who cuddle toilet paper and think it's great when our 15 minutes of fame involves a drag queen and a bag of "oregano". That, and if we fall in love, we use forgotten words like "glib" and scare the hell out of Oprah by jumping up and down on her couch and screaming like a banshee.

And don't even get me started on YouTube.

Come on, people! We drink, we light ourselves on fire, we shave our heads and beat defenseless cars with umbrellas (ok, that's just Britney). Nevermind the kind, intelligent people out there who are actually doing something with their lives, we'd much rather keep tabs on the rich and aimless, as if watching them go down in flames somehow makes our boring minimum wage lives seem more valid. Bitter? Not at all. Frightened? Absolutely - if I were the Ambassador of Zergon I'd just blow the Earth up and be done with it.

Let's just hope that if we aren't alone out there, aliens are as captivated by trainwrecks as we are.
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